I can’t find my brother! Once I began accessing/channelling my father, it all made perfect sense. My brother was illegitimate. He was born to another woman while Mom and Daddy were either going together or engaged. At any rate, my mother made life hell on my father and, collaterally, his son. I’m not sure my brother ever carried our father’s last name. If he didn’t, it wasn’t because there was no love, because there was. Nevertheless, my brother was denied the things I had growing up: position within my mother’s family, which meant position in the upper-middle class through upper-class black families; a good education; I was doted on by Mommy’s family in many ways, even to the point of an adult cousin becoming jealous; power-by-proxy, etc. Mom was not at all wealthy, but she was very educated and much beloved by our clan. I wish she had stayed married to Daddy for a number of reasons. However, in this case, he would have taken care of the finances and she wouldn’t have screwed things up by not listening to anyone except a barely-younger brother whose money-management skills were abysmal.
Daddy carried a lot of guilt with him by the time we reconnected. I’m of the opinion that whatever he’d done is between him and God. I know what kind of man he was inside. Inside, he knew that my brother was denied the things I had simply by being born into the right family. I think I may have posted somewhere that I’ve spoken with my great-uncle on Daddy’s side in the last couple of weeks. I am thoroughly fascinated with him because he’s so completely unaffected by his fame and achievements. On top of it, when I met him while in high school where he spoke to some class or another, he was this incredibly handsome, poised and erudite elderly gentleman. Through our recent conversation, I discovered that he knew one of my great-uncles on my mother’s side. We both had to say, “Wow!” at that. But that’s the way this area is. If you were black and of a particular class, especially in prior generations before or during integration, you knew everyone or about everyone. *sigh* Unfortunately, he knew nothing of my brother.
Anyway, as I was about to say, Daddy carried the memories of what it was like being an illegitimate child when things like that mattered, and still matter in some ways. When he went legit, just as when he was not so, he didn’t want anyone to know anything about his money. He wanted to live under the radar, just another working stiff whose job, incidentally, was to catch fraud. I always laughed at the irony. However, he was perfectly suited for the job. So much so that I bet he stashed some major cash where only one person knew about it. I’m betting that person was my brother. He did it to try to atone for the way my brother had been treated, which was largely my mother’s doing. I would bet my life that he was able to retire a little early and took off for places unknown. That’s why the person I spoke with had never heard of him.
I could never understand why Daddy lived well below his means and had an aversion to credit. The only thing that was out there were student loans he co-signed for me. Well, now I know. Bravo, Daddy! See, I told ya that you were lovable. *grin* Both of your children loved you to pieces. Now, tell your son to contact me! 🙂 And thanks for the help when I needed it most. Yeah, I figured out who did a little whispering in my ear about a certain ex. Stick around for a while. I’m sure your seat is saved at the Great Gig In The Sky.
Your bestest little love,